(10🐝|| !10🐝), isn't that the question?

(10🐝|| !10🐝), isn't that the question?

Ah! It's been so long since I wrote again!!!

I consider myself a hardcore realist. It's a bit paradoxical to think of myself as someone who likes to conjure up imaginary things alongside what's definite and real. But at the end of the day, the truth is this: I find myself quite attached to thinking practically about things in general. And for this very reason, I've often been told that I'm pessimistic at times. But in my defense, things are simply the way they are. So, yes I tend to be pragmatic and look at situations in the ways they present themselves. And boy, have I been humbled by reality recently. 

I had a wonderful summer this year and got to visit Leh, Ladakh, India with my parents. This place was truly like no other I've ever visited, and that's saying something as someone who's travelled quite a bit! The drive was simply spectacular, with some of the most breathtaking scenes I've ever had the good fortune of witnessing. The dirt covered mountains, the grassy slopes, and mounds of ice were something no million-dollar budget VFX-movie could ever replicate and it was so hard to believe that I was getting to experience all this at first hand. I couldn't help but ponder my existence compared to the centuries of wear and tear, the incredible change of seasons that shaped these dramatic landscapes. I felt so small compared to the gigantic rocky boulders, secret ponds, and green velvety pastures, but in a way that made me feel pensive about myself too. How miniscule was my life compared to these humongous snow capped peaks and the grand scale of earth’s creations? It made me question everything I keep worrying about most of the time which is so insignificant and pointless compared to these miracles of nature.

And on this trip, we also got to visit Pangong Lake. Though it's been popularized in modern media with a scene in the movie "3 Idiots", it's also the highest saltwater lake in the world. Here's another interesting fact: the water changes color depending on the time of the day and also the weather conditions in the region. It's the same lake, with the exact same miraculous element of water flowing in it, yet its existence and appearance is never the same in the span of a single day. It reminded me of the fluidity of emotions and perceptions, of how ephemeral human feelings can be, and how much we keep changing and evolving every day in terms of understanding who we are. It's an easy thing to lose perspective of everything, isn’t it? The worries that seem so pressing on a day-to-day basis suddenly feel so trivial when compared to the vastness and timelessness of the natural world.

Once we walked down towards the lake, all I did was just sit down on the shore and stare at the mesmerizing view in front of me. Oh, how beautiful nature was indeed! How pristine and clear the water was! I can still close my eyes and picture how blue and magnificently transparent the lake water ebbed along the shore and I feel no verbose depiction or complex vocabulary would ever do justice to what I got to experience in those moments there. Of course, it was incredibly chilly and extremely windy, with the temperatures plummeting to -1 or -2 °C at nights (which is cold for me!!) As someone who gets bored with routine and never has the patience to notice the little things in life, I spent so much time just looking at the smooth, almost rounded black and white pebbles, the contrast in the chessboard of my vision. My life was a game too, and every single decision I took would forge a new path, and yet another series of possibilities for what could happen. It was truly a flowchart branching out into new directions with every step I would take in the future. 

I was desperate to freeze time in that moment. To just sit there and stare at the endless wonder ahead without dissecting or analyzing it any further, just the opportunity to experience something so transient and grandiose. As someone who craves stability and a genuine sense of deep connection, I couldn't have been more lucky that getting to connect with that environment around me. But isn't there a craving in all of us to evolve constantly and change ourselves for the better? I feel like most of us keep aiming to let go of all our inhibitions and strive to become the best versions of ourselves constantly. Sometimes, change happens because it’s intrinsic to our being, just like the water that reflects the sky, shifts with the light, or changes depending on time. Emotions, perceptions, even our sense of identity are just as fluid. But does that process of wanting to change, also bring change in terms of who we are? And what it means to truly be ourselves? Where does authenticity lie? Would you rather stay the same forever or be dynamic, like the thousand flashing colors of a magnificent sunset over the sea?

In the constant push and pull between stability and transformation, (10🐝|| !10🐝), isn't that the real question?

P.S: I'm still a novice but, as a math and CS geek, I need to clarify that "10" is the binary representation of "2", || represents "or", and ! represents negation or "not". I feel it ties up to the unique human coding of oscillating between 0 and 1 (of wanting constancy and growth, of having it all simultaneously)

And in the crazy rush of this of past-paced world, remember to take a break, all you busy 🐝s!!!