Kaleidoscope of Emotions

Kaleidoscope of Emotions

A long-due hello from your old internet pal, I'm Monachini!

Wow! It has been long, hasn't it? You see, I kept telling myself that I should really get back to writing soon but somehow, whenever I planned to sit down, relax, and start pouring my thoughts out, there was always something that kept cropping in from some mysterious nook, ready to pull me back into my work. And it would end up where I wouldn't have anything to write about. 

I just realized that I started this blog more than a year ago, so as a little celebratory gift to myself for somehow managing to put up nearly a dozen posts online, I thought I'd share another personal anecdote. This one's titled "Kaleidoscope of Emotions" because, the Kaleidoscope is truly a blank canvas, just waiting for each tiny twist, each minute rotation to generate colorful, complex, and intricate patterns, one more unique than the other and I think it's the same with our emotions too. There are so many combinations and a vast array of permutations (pardon the math-geek in me), that we can go through in a short period and it's ever-changing, exciting, and dynamic. 

Well, now that I'm back at it, promising myself to write more and leave my indelible mark in the complex web of the Internet, the words seem to flow out from me and this is an attempt to vaguely label those emotional complexities as a short-sequence of five different phases and reminisce through them as I turn through my Kaleidoscope of life. Presenting, a slightly different style from my usual posts - The Kaleidoscope of Emotions! Cheesy, but bear with me!! :)

Emotion 1: A period of "What Next...?", "How" and What If...?" (Not the Marvel Series) - the unknown realm

I've recently completed 4 years of my coursework and I must say, what a journey it's been! I must admit that I feel quite amused now, looking back on how apprehensive I was about joining this course because well, I had no experience or skills in the domain of Computer Science and I didn't know how would I fare and what would happen. And imagine that sense of uncertainty for a 5-year course! Yes, the environment where I'd be studying was a familiar one, so there was the comfort of that. And just as I was trying to convince myself things would work out and everything would be great, we all know what happened in 2020, and I don't wish to dwell on it too much.

Emotion 2: Tick-Tock...Dear time, where did you go?

As I think about it, the first 2 years were almost a blur, almost seems like a complex figment of my imagination since I spent that time, stuck at my desk, frowning and staring intently into the depths of my laptop, trying to unravel its many complexities (along with following lectures, of course!). And given how shy I usually was (and still am, to some extent), I didn't really have an opportunity to interact much with my peers at all. It was always through those tiny fixed, frames on a video call screen that I'd get to see them and it wasn't quite the same as the offline experience at all. 

Emotion 3: The start of something new, cheers to new beginnings! (the most complex pattern of all)

Once the proper university experience had started, things seemed to change a lot for me. I was back in a classroom environment, surrounded by walls, dusty blackboards, and so many new (or perhaps old) faces. I knew them all by then, but not really. I should say that I was I couldn't help but feel nervous to be among so many people at once and it was quite overwhelming at first. But soon, the scene would shift and the decoration in the motifs would change.

Emotion 4: An increasing slope of emotional growth

It did take quite a few lectures, but with each passing day, I seemed to be more comfortable, laughing at the various silly antics or incidents that kept happening and finding myself chuckling every now and then. It was amazing to realize what I really needed was a bit of exposure and time to let myself into conversations and try to get to know everyone to the extent I could. It was quite hard at times, to step out of my comfort zone and I would have to periodically draw back into the idea of just sitting back to just listen and observe everything that happened around me. And what's interesting is that I could talk too! Maybe conversations with me would soon be getting boring with my dry humor and lack of anything exceptional to say, but I am glad that I could make some friends.

Emotion 5: Nostalgia, here I come!

Of course, it isn't over yet, not really. And I must say, I did enjoy my experience of learning about technologies and concepts that I'd perhaps only hear about being used everywhere, across all domains and how it's going to revolutionize the world, but I wouldn't have known half of the stuff I find myself understanding a little bit now because of my exposure to this field. I humbly accept and stress the fact that I am no expert, and I don't know if I can ever think of myself as being really great in any particular domain of the oceanic, ever-growing, and dynamic world of what Computer Science is going to be in the future, but I'm sure that I will try to remain as curious as I can be and keep my zeal for learning as much as I can. There's still so many things I do not know or understand well enough, but if there's anything I've learned so far...well, the truth is that I've learned there is no dearth of learning. At all. At no point will I ever be able to say I have understood and mastered it all, that I've peered into every possible solution and explored every single variant of algorithms or the almost-magical complexity of codes, but it's made me realize the vast potential it holds, and I am grateful for the opportunity to experience it.

Looking forward to new experiences,

Monachini

P.S. That's my artistic interpretation of a Kaleidoscope! :)